Hi my name is Tali and I used to judge moms…ALL the time. Now I didn’t say I was proud of this, but if I’m being honest, I often did it. If I was at a restaurant and your asshole child was screaming his head off, I judged you for not being able to keep them calm. If your child was eating a donut at 8:00am, I judged you for allowing them to have sugar first thing in the morning. And if your child was having lunch with a screen in front of them, you better believe I was judging the hell out of you for not taking the time to engage with them over a bagel. I would like to go back 6 years ago and slap the old me for being a total asshole!
I think before you become a parent you have these ideas of what kind of a mom or dad you will be and what you will or will not allow your child to do. I hate to break it to you but as soon as that baby pops out, everything you imagined you would do goes out the window. I remember when my sister had her first son, Tyler, 7 years ago I was basically his 2nd mom, or as most people probably perceived the situation I was my sisters “partner” and I was cool with that. We basically spent every waking moment together and I got to see what mothering looked like firsthand. I always had my 2 cents as to what she should be doing as a mother and was never shy to vocalize all the things I thought she was doing “wrong”. For starters, she never went on vacation without him and I thought that was insane. She would lie with him to fall asleep once he was in a big boy bed and I would constantly remind her how “pathetic” she was that she wouldn’t just let him scream in his room alone. She refused to gate him in, she let him use the iPad non stop and worst of all…She let him sleep in their bed when he woke up in the middle of the night. ! I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just walk his little ass back to his room in the middle of the night until he finally understood that their room was for them and only them. I would look at her as weak that she couldn’t say no, and lazy because she didn’t want to entertain him constantly and be an engaged mother. Liat- If you’re reading this I apologize 1000 times over because I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what it was like to get no sleep, or want to eat just one meal in peace or be too drained to play trains for the 10th time that day because I wasn’t a mother yet. I think we are all a bit too quick to judge one another and never think for one second what that person is going actually through.
I also feel like our generation knows we are constantly being looked at and judged not only in real life but on social media. Everyone wants to portray that their lives are “perfect” and its honestly just messing with everyone’s minds. I often look at other peoples pictures and think everyone is having more fun than me, everyone loves their husbands more than I do (I really do love you honey, I just choose not to put that shit all over social) and that everyone’s lives are simply easier. We see these families apple picking, ice skating and vacationing with enormous smiles and matching outfits and we start to feel inadequate. But what we don’t see is the meltdowns, the crying, the lack of sleep or the misery. We bribe our children with candy to get the insta pic so we can show all our friends and random stalkers how incredibly blessed and happy we are. It’s fake, it’s almost never in the moment and it’s all so we don’t get judged for showing that our lives are actually shit shows. I wish we could all start being honest about what parenting looks like without fear of being judged. We don’t want to look like “bad moms”, who make mac n cheese from a box, and let our kids eat ice cream for breakfast because we are afraid of what people will think.
Well guess what…My 5 year old son still sucks his thumb, he needs me to lie with him every single night, he still uses a stroller and he only recently learned to take a shit in the toilet. And my daughter, she’s obsessed with her paci, she pulled out almost every hair on her head when she was a baby and she wore her “blue dress” almost every single day this summer. My kids have nervous breakdowns if we pass a toy store and they can’t go in, they often use iPads when Shai and I take them out for meals and they think it’s totally appropriate to be butt naked at all times. You want to judge me…go right ahead. Yet I know that even with all these things I’m a damn good mother and if you don’t like my parenting, well you can go fuck yourself 🙂